A Lamentation of the Megbolugbe Family: A Legacy of Betrayal and Devastation
Isaac Megbolugbe
December 15, 2024
Introduction
Lamentation narratives are a distinctive feature of the Holy Scriptures, appearing in various forms throughout the Old and New Testaments. These narratives convey the emotional, spiritual, and often painful experiences of individuals and communities as they navigate the complexities of life, faith, and relationships with God. In this article, we will explore the purpose and essence of lamentation narratives in the Holy Scriptures. It will examine an exemplification of the Lamentation of the Megbolugbe Family and outline several lessons and reflections from the Megbolugbe family’s experience. Many strategies will also be shared to manage different aspects of dynamics of toxic families.
The Purpose and Essence of Lamentation Narratives in the Holy Scriptures
Purpose of Lamentation Narratives: (1) Expression of Emotions: Lamentation narratives provide a platform for individuals to express their emotions, thoughts, and feelings in the midst of challenging circumstances. This expression of emotions serves as a cathartic release, allowing individuals to process their experiences and find a sense of relief. (2) Seeking God’s Presence and Intervention: Lamentation narratives often involve cries to God for help, intervention, and guidance. These narratives demonstrate the importance of seeking God’s presence and involvement in times of need. (3) Preserving Historical Memory and Community Identity: Lamentation narratives frequently preserve historical memories and community identities, serving as a means of passing down stories, traditions, and values from one generation to the next. (4) Providing a Framework for Theological Reflection and Spiritual Growth: Lamentation narratives offer a framework for theological reflection and spiritual growth, encouraging individuals to grapple with complex questions about God’s nature, sovereignty, and involvement in human affairs.
Essence of Lamentation Narratives: (1) Honesty and Authenticity: Lamentation narratives are characterized by honesty and authenticity, as individuals express their true emotions, thoughts, and feelings without pretension or reserve. (2) Vulnerability and Trust: These narratives often involve vulnerability and trust, as individuals open themselves to God’s presence, guidance, and intervention, even during uncertainty and adversity. (3) Faith and Perseverance: Lamentation narratives demonstrate the importance of faith and perseverance, as individuals hold onto their trust in God despite the challenges and hardships they face. (4) Hope and Restoration: Ultimately, lamentation narratives offer hope and restoration, as individuals look to God for comfort, guidance, and redemption in the midst of their struggles.
Exemplary Lamentation Narratives in the Holy Scriptures: (1) The Book of Lamentations: This book is a quintessential example of lamentation narratives, as the prophet Jeremiah expresses his grief, sorrow, and frustration in the aftermath of Jerusalem’s destruction. (2) The Psalms of Lament: Many psalms, such as Psalm 22, Psalm 38, and Psalm 51, contain lamentation narratives, as the psalmists express their emotions, thoughts, and feelings in the midst of various challenges and hardships. (3) The Story of Job: The book of Job is a paradigmatic example of a lamentation narrative, as Job expresses his grief, anger, and frustration in the face of inexplicable suffering and loss.
Conclusion: Lamentation narratives are a vital component of the Holy Scriptures, offering a unique window into the human experience and the complexities of faith, relationships, and spirituality. By exploring the purpose and essence of these narratives, we can gain a deeper understanding of the biblical text and its relevance to our lives today. As we reflect on the lamentation narratives in the Holy Scriptures, may we be inspired to cultivate honesty, vulnerability, faith, and perseverance in our own relationships with God and others.
An Exemplification of the Lamentation of the Megbolugbe Family
The Megbolugbe family, once a pillar of strength and unity, has been ravaged by a legacy of betrayal, hurt, and devastation. The wounds inflicted by the immediate and Ilajo family members upon Majji Megbolugbe, the patriarch of the family, have left an indelible mark on the family’s history. His untimely departure from public and family life, succumbing to despair and a broken heart, has had far-reaching consequences that continue to haunt the family to this day.
I was only three years old when Majji Megbolugbe died in 1955, but I recall the traumatic events of the 1960s and 1970s, which saw the demise of several Majji Megbolugbe children. The outbursts of anger and boasts of harm and devastation from the Late Mama Apepeju and the Late Mama Amureke left an indelible mark on my conscience. Their open displays of rivalry and capacity for harm terrified me, and I was often hidden away by my mother in various locations, including Ifaki-Ekiti, Zaria, and Yagba, to protect me from the toxic environment.
The aftermath of my return from the United States, following my doctoral program, was met with a barrage of attacks from my family members. I was forced to flee back to the United States, and subsequent visits to Kabba were met with hostility. The Late Obaro’s decision to banish me from Kabba, citing his inability to protect me from harm, was a stark reminder of the depths of depravity and darkness that had consumed our family. The two lightning strikes that targeted me, only to be absorbed by God, served as a stark reminder of the malevolent forces at play within our family. These events have left me with a deep sense of anguish and lamentation, a feeling that I am not alone in.
I endured with horror the plots and twists of the Adebola Family to pillage the family compound at Odo-Afin Quarters near Kabba Town Hall. After the lives and presence of many of my brothers were wiped out and the compound became desolate, Mr. Michael Adebola, the hotelier moved in to renovate a room to live in and turn the rest of the frontage rooms into a beer parlor. Later, he converted the bulk of the backyard into a vegetable garden.
My senior brother Gabriel Megbolugbe was bribed with petty contracts to supply firewood for some of the educational institutions so that he could raise capital to go into milling business at Ikare, Ekiti State, a plot to get him to relocate elsewhere. Michael Adebola married the junior sister of one of my uncles, Michael Oluyori, to seal the partnership deal for enthroning Michael Adebola over the Lion Pride of Majji Megbolugbe. I remember watching many of my Adebola family uncles gathering in front of the Megbolugbe Family House to fraternize and entertain themselves.
One of my brothers was sent to request me to change my name from Megbolugbe to Oluyori, an ironic plot to erase Megbolugbe name from the society. Ironically, they perverted the Oluyori/Adebola Family name that Majji Megbolugbe established after the death of his father Obaro Oluyori to eradicate his own name. The Oluyori/Adebola Family name was meant to serve as an umbrella of care and protection for the families of two brothers of the same mother, carving a unique and unified identity within the Ilajo Family structure. It took the lament of one of my brothers, Olarewaju Megbolugbe, to alert me to this plot.
When this plot failed, Michael Adebola was allowed to buy a plot of land that housed the building of Majji Megbolugbe carpenter. He subsequently annexed the land that was located at the back of the house till the end of Majji Megbolugbe compound and proceeded to apply for a certificate of occupancy. It took one of Obaro Daniel Aka’s sons, Mr. Kayode Aka at the Surveys Department at Ilorin to alert me of this fraud. I asked my senior brother, Gabriel Megbolugbe and he was alarmed that Michael Adebola would abuse the favor that he granted to him to allow him to buy the plot.
I left for the United States for my doctoral program. While I was gone, they mobilized to have me expelled from Kwara State Civil Service under false pretenses. Thank God, Dr. Fashagba who was at the Public Service Commission at the time delayed the implementation of the expulsion recommendation until I came back for my fieldwork. I was able to swiftly expose the fraud and the malevolent intentions behind the conspiracy. I chose not to retaliate and decided to leave Kwara State altogether. I decided to return to the US from my faculty position at the University of Ibadan to live and work.
After I left the country, my family decided to take my mother to court and when the case was dismissed so that the matter could be settled by the Ilajo Family. The Ilajo Family found it appropriate to bulldoze the bungalow that I built for my mother in my father’s compound. It took the gracious intervention of the Late Obaro Michael Olobayo to halt the effort and overruled the action to demolish my mother’s house by the Ilajo Family. The Obaro praised my decision not to defend my mother because the proceedings were concocted to target me for destruction. Since I chose not to engage with the matter when they took my mom to court and when they took my mom to the Ilajo Family Council, they had to bring the matter to the Obaro Nko session to announce the purported event so that it would be on the official calendar of the Obaro for authorized implementation of the dastardly deed. He asked me to stay away and never come back except under special dispensation approved by him. He granted me one and only safe passage in 2003 to come home to bury my mother.
As I reflect on the Megbolugbe family’s history, I am met with a sense of sorrow and regret. The legacy of betrayal and devastation has been passed down through generations, leaving a trail of hurt and pain in its wake. I am hearing from my nieces and nephews’ echoes of my own anguished experiences. It is my hope that by sharing this lamentation, we can begin to confront the darkness that has consumed our family and work towards healing and redemption.
I am in my 70s, so my time is almost up and for me now, I feel like Apostle Paul, to live is Christ, to die is gain. All Glory to God, no matter what. May this lamentation serve as a call to action, a reminder that we must confront the evil that has been perpetrated within our family and the larger community and work towards creating a brighter, more loving future for generations to come.
As I look back on the Megbolugbe family’s history, I am reminded of the importance of forgiveness, healing, and redemption. It is my hope that this lamentation will serve as a catalyst for change, inspiring future generations to break free from the cycles of pain and hurt that have haunted our family for so long. May God have mercy on us and guide us towards a brighter future. Amen.
Healthy Boundaries in Toxic Families
Maintaining healthy boundaries with toxic family members is crucial for your emotional well-being and mental health. Here are some steps to help you establish and maintain healthy boundaries:
Setting Boundaries: (1) Identify your limits: Recognize what you are and aren’t comfortable with in terms of their behavior and communication. (2) Communicate your boundaries: Clearly express your boundaries to the toxic family member, specifying what you will and won’t tolerate. (3) Set consequences: Make it clear what will happen if they don’t respect your boundaries.
Maintaining Boundaries: (1) Prioritize self-care: Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being to maintain your resilience. (2) Establish a support network: Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who can help you cope with the stress of dealing with toxic family members. (3) Be consistent: Consistently enforce your boundaries to avoid confusing the toxic family member and to maintain your own emotional well-being. (4) Practice assertive communication: Stand up for yourself and express your needs and feelings in a clear, respectful manner. (5) Limit contact: If necessary, limit your contact with the toxic family member to protect your emotional well-being.
Managing Conflict and Emotional Fallout: (1) Stay calm and composed: Manage your emotions to avoid escalating conflicts. (2) Avoid taking it personally: Recognize that the toxic family member’s behavior is often a reflection of their own issues, not yours. (3) Seek support: Reach out to your support network for emotional support and guidance. (4) Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a close friend.
Seeking Professional Help: (1) Consider therapy: Seek the help of a therapist or counselor to develop strategies for managing toxic family members and maintaining healthy boundaries. (2) Support groups: Join a support group to connect with others who have experienced similar situations. Remember, maintaining healthy boundaries with toxic family members is an ongoing process that requires effort, commitment, and support. Prioritize your own emotional well-being and seek help when needed.
Strategies for Healing Family Trauma
Healing family trauma requires a multifaceted approach that incorporates various strategies. Here are some effective ways to facilitate healing:
Family and Individual Therapy: (1) Family therapy: A trained therapist can help family members communicate effectively, process their emotions, and work through conflicts. (2) Individual therapy: One-on-one therapy can provide a safe space for individuals to process their trauma, emotions, and experiences.
Self-Reflection and Awareness: (1) Identify patterns and cycles: Recognize the patterns and cycles of trauma that have been passed down through generations. (2) Acknowledge and accept emotions: Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions related to the trauma. (3) Develop self-compassion*: Practice self-kindness, understanding, and patience as you navigate the healing process.
Communication and Connection: (1) Open and honest communication*: Encourage family members to share their experiences, feelings, and perspectives. (2) Active listening: Listen attentively to each other, seeking to understand and validate each other’s emotions. (3) Rebuild trust and intimacy: Gradually rebuild trust and intimacy through consistent, empathetic, and supportive interactions.
Mindfulness and Self-Care: (1) Mindfulness practices: Engage in mindfulness practices, such as meditation, yoga, or deep breathing, to manage stress and emotions. (2) Self-care activities: Prioritize self-care activities, like exercise, creative pursuits, or spending time in nature, to promote emotional well-being.
Forgiveness and Letting Go: (1) Forgiveness as a process: Understand that forgiveness is a process that may take time, effort, and support. (2) Letting go of negative emotions: Gradually release negative emotions, such as anger, resentment, or bitterness, to create space for healing and growth.
Community Support and Education: (1) Support groups: Join support groups, either in-person or online, to connect with others who have experienced similar traumas. (2) Educational resources*: Utilize books, articles, workshops, or online courses to learn about trauma, family dynamics, and healing strategies.
Rituals and Symbolic Healing: (1) Create meaningful rituals: Develop personal or family rituals to acknowledge, honor, and release the trauma. (2) Symbolic healing practices: Engage in symbolic healing practices, such as writing letters (even if not sent), creating art, or using meditation, to process and release emotions.
Intergenerational Healing: (1) Acknowledge the past: Recognize the historical trauma and its impact on the family. (2) Break the cycle: Make a conscious effort to break the cycle of trauma by changing negative patterns and behaviors. (3) Create a new legacy: Intentionally create a new, positive legacy for future generations. Healing family trauma is a unique and ongoing process for each individual and family. Be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself and your loved ones as you navigate this journey.
Rebuilding Trust After Trauma
Rebuilding trust after trauma requires a thoughtful, ongoing, and multi-step process. Here are some strategies to help you rebuild trust:
Rebuilding Trust: (1) Acknowledge the trauma: Recognize the trauma that occurred and its impact on the relationship. (2) Take responsibility: The person who caused the trauma should take responsibility for their actions and acknowledge the hurt they caused. (3) Apologize sincerely: A genuine apology can help to begin the healing process. (4) Make amends: Make amends in a way that feels meaningful to the person who was hurt. (5) Consistent behavior: Consistently demonstrate trustworthy behavior over time. (6) Transparency and communication: Foster open and honest communication, being transparent about actions and intentions. (7) Emotional validation: Validate each other’s emotions, acknowledging the hurt and pain caused by the trauma. (8) Reestablish boundaries: Reestablish healthy boundaries to prevent similar trauma from occurring in the future. (9) Seek professional help: Consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor to guide the process of rebuilding trust.
Healing and Recovery: (1) Prioritize self-care: Prioritize self-care and engage in activities that promote emotional healing and well-being. (2Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and patience as you navigate the healing process. (3) Grieve and process emotions*: Allow yourself to grieve and process your emotions related to the trauma. (4) Cultivate a support network: Surround yourself with a supportive network of people who can provide emotional support and validation.
Rebuilding Trust in Yourself: (1) Practice self-reflection: Engage in self-reflection to understand how the trauma has impacted your life and relationships. (2) Rebuild self-trust: Work on rebuilding trust in yourself, your instincts, and your decision-making abilities. (3) Develop self-awareness: Cultivate self-awareness, recognizing your emotions, needs, and boundaries. (4) Foster resilience: Develop resilience by learning to cope with challenges, adapt to change, and bounce back from adversity. Remember, rebuilding trust after trauma takes time, effort, and commitment. Be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself and others as you navigate this process.
Prioritizing Self-Care After Trauma
Prioritizing self-care after trauma is essential for emotional and mental well-being. Here are some steps to help you prioritize self-care:
Physical Self-Care: (1) Rest and relaxation: Allow yourself time to rest and relax, avoiding overexertion. (2 Healthy eating: Focus on consuming nutritious foods that promote healing and well-being. (3) Exercise: Engage in gentle physical activities, like yoga or walking, to help release tension and promote relaxation. (4) Sleep habits: Establish a consistent sleep schedule to help regulate your emotions and reduce stress.
Emotional Self-Care: (1) Emotional validation: Acknowledge and validate your emotions, allowing yourself to process and feel your emotions. (2) Mindfulness practices: Engage in mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep breathing, to help calm your mind and emotions. (3) Creative expression: Explore creative outlets, like art, writing, or music, to express your emotions and facilitate healing. (4) Social support: Surround yourself with supportive people who can provide emotional validation and comfort.
Mental Self-Care: (1) Seek professional help: Consider seeking help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. (2) Cognitive restructuring: Work on reframing negative thought patterns and replacing them with more positive, realistic ones. (3) Self-compassion: Practice self-compassion, treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and patience. (4) Boundary setting: Establish and maintain healthy boundaries to protect your emotional and mental well-being.
Spiritual Self-Care: (1) Connect with nature: Spend time in nature, allowing yourself to feel connected to the world around you. (2) Meditation and prayer: Engage in meditation or prayer to help you feel more grounded and connected to a higher power. (3) Self-reflection: Take time for self-reflection, exploring your values, beliefs, and sense of purpose. (4) Seeking spiritual guidance: Consider seeking guidance from a spiritual leader or mentor. Remember, prioritizing self-care after trauma is a unique and ongoing process. Be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this journey.
Managing Stress Effectively After Family Trauma
Managing stress effectively is crucial for maintaining overall well-being. Here are some effective ways to manage stress:
Physical Stress Management: (1) Exercise: Engage in physical activities like walking, running, swimming, or yoga to release endorphins, which help reduce stress. (2) Sleep: Prioritize getting 7-8 hours of sleep each night to help your body and mind recharge. (3) Healthy Eating: Focus on consuming a balanced diet rich in whole foods, fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins.
Emotional Stress Management: (1) Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness techniques like meditation, deep breathing, or guided imagery to calm your mind and reduce stress. (2) Journaling: Write down your thoughts, feelings, and concerns to process and release emotions. (3) Connect with Nature: Spend time outdoors, whether walking, hiking, or simply sitting in a park or garden, to help reduce stress.
Social Stress Management: (1) Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who can offer emotional support and help you feel less isolated. (2) Communicate Effectively: Learn to express your needs, feelings, and concerns clearly and assertively to reduce stress and conflicts. (3) Set Healthy Boundaries: Establish and maintain healthy boundaries with others to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being.
Cognitive Stress Management: (1) Reframe Negative Thoughts: Challenge negative self-talk and reframe negative thoughts into more positive, realistic ones. (2) Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and patience, just as you would a close friend. (3) Take Breaks and Practice Self-Care: Make time for activities that bring you joy and help you relax, such as reading, listening to music, or taking a relaxing bath.
Professional Help: (1) Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling to manage stress on your own, consider seeking help from a mental health professional (2) Therapy: Engage in therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), to learn effective coping strategies and stress management techniques.
Concluding Remarks: Reflection and Lessons Learned
The Megbolugbe family’s lamentation offers several lessons and reflections: (1) The destructive power of unchecked ambition and greed: The narrative highlights the devastating consequences of allowing personal interests to supersede family loyalty and well-being. (2) The importance of confronting evil and promoting healing: The author’s lamentation serves as a call to action, encouraging future generations to confront the darkness that has consumed the family and work towards healing and redemption. (3) The need for resilience and forgiveness: Throughout the narrative, the author demonstrates remarkable resilience and forgiveness, even in the face of overwhelming adversity. (4) The significance of preserving family history and legacy: The Megbolugbe family’s lamentation underscores the importance of preserving family history and legacy, even in the midst of turmoil and devastation. In conclusion, the Megbolugbe family’s lamentation is a poignant reminder of the complexities and challenges of family dynamics. As we reflect on this narrative, may we be inspired to promote healing, forgiveness, and resilience within our own families and communities.
Isaac Megbolugbe, Director of GIVA Ministries International, 2024 Marquis Organization’s Class of Top Executives in the United States of America, retired professor at Johns Hopkins University, and a Fellow of the Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors. He is resident in the United States of America.
